I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
