i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
