3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
