You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
