there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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