dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
