first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
