ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
