We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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