guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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