She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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