He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
