does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
