I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
