My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
