youre lurking in front of me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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