I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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