Sponge bath it is.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
