he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I want a musical about memes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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