Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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