So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
