my soul wont recognize me after tonight
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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