His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
