So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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