I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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