i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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