Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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