theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
