I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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