Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
