There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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