what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
