Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
