Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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