you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
