Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
