i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
