Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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