I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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