sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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