Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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