batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
