I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
