What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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