After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
