so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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