i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
