just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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