i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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