I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
