im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
