apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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